I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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