carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You ruined the universe
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
