so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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