Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
