Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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