I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
