Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
another moral hangover. fuck.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
