who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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