i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
