drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
