WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
