Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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