If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
