I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
