it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
