I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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