he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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