Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
