why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
