I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
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