my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
