Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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