Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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