it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
