sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
the raccoons are back...
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