I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
