I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
