let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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