the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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