And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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