The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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