Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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