Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The Olympian is in my bed
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
