I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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