That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
