GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
