I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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