Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
