How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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