think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
