the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
