I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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