He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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