my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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