Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize