at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
