He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
