Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize