I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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