I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
