My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize