So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
