hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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