Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
