he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
