Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
