i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
