Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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