I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Randomize
