I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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