Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
