I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm going to jail i love you
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
