i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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