Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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